For Shia

To je bilo napisano kot komentar na Shiinem blogu, pa sem se razpisala, in bi želela to deliti še z vami.



Shia draga,
you will have to save yourself to be saved. Saving others is just a lesson that teaches best. And it sucks sometimes. Give them faith in themselves, mend their broken wings, and let them soar free, while hoping for their return. Most don't.

Mend your own wing, free your spirit even more, take to flight, soar through thin air, drunk on the closeness of stars.

Some will try to follow you, fly your path, be like you. But their trapped spirit will try to hold yours close, clutching you to their own bars. You might want to mend their wings to, but with time you realise their wings are bound with fear, and fear can only be mended if it's confronted. Some never are.
Then it's up to you to choose wether to hope and try and try again, or choose to fly again.

And sometimes, on a precious occasion, someone chooses to fly a path that resembles yours, or at least keeps your paths crossing, at least for a while. And on the way your heart might mend, some scars migth stop burning, some new ones might appear.
And in the end, flying solo or not, you are richer for all the experiences you've gone throuh, all the spirits you've met, friends, lovers, teachers, pupils, they all become a part of you.
Wether they are stones in your heart or add lift to your flight is up to you, though.


Yet you, Shia, I've always regarded as a young phoenix.
In begining you may have thought yourself a trapped robin, then you found a nice bird with pretty feathers and experienced, yet hurt eyes, and you opened eachothers wings for a while.
It's hard to fly while clutching to eachother too tightly though, and you crashed and burnt.

And rose from the ashes, a wonderful, dazzling phoenix with beautiful, more experienced and hurt soul glimpsing out through the dark eyes. Spread your wings in another direction, trying to fly with someone again.

And you hurt again. And you will rise again. Each time there might be another scar hiding beneath those beautiful golden feathers over your heart, the feather on the tips of your wings might be a bit ruffled and burnt, but the wings grow larger and stronger, and the tail longer, all of which will help you fly higher, faster, sharper, more freely.
You will be someone others aspire to be, showing those afraid of spreading their wings how wonderful it could be. You already are that, and you will be it even more so as time passes, and experiences accumulate.
Just enjoy the flight, and wink at the stars when the air around you grows thin.

Sonce na zimsko nedeljo

PST pri Murgljah.

Včeraj sem generalno pospravila sobo, danes pa sem se odpravila s kolesom malo razmigat. Sonček lepo greje, da bi se najraje kar ustavila in martinčkala, v senci pa ej prav hladno, kot je pozimi za pričakovat :)
Lepo nedeljo vsem!

Shia, držim pesti, da stvari potekajo ok. *hugs

Sometimes..

Sometimes falling feels more like drowning.

As long as it doesn't become reality, it's ok.

Future to be...

Lepo pozdrav iz Stockholma!

Najprej najpomembnejse novice.

a) zaposlena sem ze od 1.10., samo naobe sem si zapomnila datum, napisan na pogodbi. Idi misli! heheh

b) Jonasovo (v prihodnosti najino) stanovanje je krasno!!! 

Lepo, veliko, relativno svetlo, glede na to, da ima samo jutra bje sonce, in da je sedaj tukaj tema tema ze ob pol petih popoldne (po novi uri). 

V petek sem prispela v Stockholm popolnoma neprespana, prisla odlozit prtljago, se stusirala, in potem sva sla v... bobni, prosim.... Ikeo! Valjda, kam pa drugam :) in sva spesno znavigirana cez vse oddelke, se odlocila za opremo, se pogajala za barvo jedilnice, si zapisala, kje se kaj dobi, in potem v pol ure nabrala in kot tetris sestavila vse na 2 vozicka, ter prisla do blagajne. Kjer je seveda trajalo se pol ure, da sva opravila. Se 5 minut, da so nama dali prevleko za sofo iz skladisca, in cele 3 minute, da sva stvari oddala za dostavo! Jupi!

In v soboto opoldne so nama vse skupaj dostavili, in potem sva sestavljala... in sestavljala... in nekateri so vmes obupali...  ne povem kdo, ampak ne jst... ampak ko sva vse setavila, in postavila, in pospravila kartone... vsa lacna in utrujena.. je bilo krasno. Manjka nama samo se spalnica in velika sofa za dnevno sobo, ki jo dostavijo enkrat danes!

Spalnico bova pa sla izbrat nekam drugam, ker hoceva kvalitetno posteljo, ki kaj zdrzi, daljso, ker je moj Viking pac visok, in z dobrimi jogiji, za vsakega drugacen, ker imava dugacne potrebe. Super bo! Do takrat pa imava sofo iz delovne sobe/sobe za goste, ki je super. Vendar pa sva midva malo obilnejsa, in komaj cakam da dobiva siroko, udobno posteljo. 

Skratka... stanovanje mislim, da bo vecinoma opremljeno do vselitvenega zura v soboto (razen pac spalnice), vendar pa manjka mnogo malih posegov, da bi bilo bolj domace. Slike na stenah, dekoracije... malenkosti pac, ki stanovanju dajo osebno noto. To se bo uredilo scasoma, najkasneje pa takrat, ko se bom vselila tudi jaz. 

 :)

Just because everyone needs one every now and then....

For all my darlings you far far away...

Tak grafit pa ne bi prebarvala!

Too cute!

Job

Od 1. 11. 2008 sem zaposlena za nedoločen čas!

Playing grown-ups

Uganite, kdo se dela odraslega in gre jutri (danes) po delavsko knjižico?

Jap, jst!!!!

Ne moreš, da verjameš!
Hehehehe

Happy

Vesela sem. Zakaj? B. Ne vem. Sem. Pač. Pa kaj? Zakaj pa ne. :)


Mogoče zato, ker:

- sem (skoraj) končala relativno dolgočasen projekt v službi

- Viking se je danes vselil v najino še (skoraj) prazno stanovanje

- ki mu ga bom lahko pomagala opremiti čez manj kot 4 tedne in bom lahko že čez točno 5 tednov igrala gostiteljico na vselitvenem žuru (in bom celo že poznala kar nekaj gostov.. pač, drug konec Evrope, novo okolje, bla bla bla...)

- ker je tako lepo slišati nekoga, kako govori o svoji ljubljeni, in videti tisti sij v očeh. Nekaj najlepšega, ki bi še najbolj trdemu srcu prišlo do živega.

- zaradi Shie, njenega stanovanja (ki bo tako in tako totalno NJENO in predvidevam vedno polno obiskov) ter največjega komplimenta, ki mi ga je lahko dala (Hvala!)

- ker imam res res RADA svoj poklic!!
(ne me čudno gledat, pač nisem eden od ljudi, ki so na arhitekturo šli 500% prepričani, da je to to za njih, in da kaj drugega niti slučajno ne pride v poštev... jaz sem le prišla malo pogledat, ker po gimnaziji pač nekam moraš iti)

- ker imam rada sebe in svoje življenje ter ljudi okoli sebe.


Vsi v mojem življenju, pa če se vidimo še tako poredko, ste krasne osebe, in vsak od vas mi je na svoj način pomagal razvijati se v to krasno super oh in sploh (just roll with this...) osebo, kakršna sem, in bom v prihodnosti še bolj krasna. A ni to super?

Vse vas mam rada.

PS; Tale objava nekaj skriva ;)

Mini n Me

Mini is my best friend, known her since 1st grade... September 1st, 1986. A day to remember, I tell you!
I love you, bejba.

Bloody all-you-can-eat places

Just been to a mongolian all-you-can-eat buffet, and can barely breathe.

Couldn't resist trying sushi too, at the end, and it did me in. It'll take a while to get any blood to my brain again. Arghhhh.

Want to take a nap, not work! But... gotta make money money money, coz' wouldn't it be funny in a rich man's world....

By the mim (sam za punce)

Bemti krčne žile, zarad kerih ne morem jemat tabletke, pa bemti moja dva miomčka, kar skupi da en pošten MMS in precejšnjo izgubo life fluida.

PS Fantje, sem rekla da je ta tema sam za bejbe. Sami krivi!

Fallen into fall

Fall is here.
It came suddenly, with wind and rain, and a 15 -20 degree drop in temperature.
It brought along a friend called autumn blues. He's an old acquaintance, but one you don't want around more than it takes to have a coffe and then make excuses to get the hell away.
I tried to lose him by dodging through my bathroom door and taking a long hot bubbly bath. Lost Blues, but he's friend Mellow was waiting for me. *sigh*

I long to cuddle up snugly into my man's comfy manly hug, feeling he's strong protective arms around me, feeling he's warmth flow through me, he's chest expand and contract, and fall asleep happily, while my blues and my worries take an extended vacation somewhere nice and warm, with a sandy beach and a cocktail bar.
I miss him.


--Written last night, and failed to post by email from my mobile.--

Petek zvečer

V bistvu je že sobota zjutraj. Zelo zgodaj :) ali pač pozno. Jaz in moja škatla od računalnika sva oba komaj še delujoča, on od starosti, jaz pa od... hmm... pomanjkanja energije?

Ob taki uri gre človeku marsikaj po možganskih vijugah. Misli se podijo gor in dol in naokoli, se preletajo, zvijajo in grizejo same sebe za rep. Nikakor ne koherentne, od besede do ideje, vse prosto po asociacijah.

Da naj kaj pametnega in zanimivega povem? Joj, kje me najdeš.

Nekoč bom v svoji kuhinji, svoji jedilnici, svojem stanovanju, z velikim užitkom igrala gostiteljico, skuhala perfektno in odlično večerjo, predjedi, desert in vse kar spada zraven. Ambientalna svetloba, glasba v ozadju, veselo vzdušje, kozarec dobrega vina ali likerja, udobni stoli, smeh in pogovor dolgo v noč. Obnavljali bomo zgode in prigode, ki smo jih že preživeli, debatirali o vsen in ničemer, malo zavili v resne vode... se združevali v več manjših pogovorov, pa spet premešali... rada imam dinamiko manjših skupin, tam 6-10 ljudi. Dovolj malo za intimo, a dovolj, da hkrati vzporedno teče več pogovorov. In da ni treba kričati, da si slišan. Vsaj dokler ni praznih že več steklenic vina :)

Pogrešam taka druženja. Tale resen lajf, služba pa resna zveza pa te neumnosti kar nekako požrejo energijo in čas. Zvečer se mi ne da več prižigati računalnika in gledati, kdaj bo kdo online. Pokličem koga, da malo počvekam, predlagam pijačo, in so seveda vsi za, enkrat ko bo čas. Ljudje moji, časa je dovolj! Samo vzeti si ga je treba. (Ja, saj vem, tudi jaz podležem temu)
Vem, da sem se zadnje leto precej osamila in oddaljila od marsikoga. Morda predvsem tudi zato, ker se mi pač ne da it ven v nedeljo zvečer, in potem bit vsa nikakva še cel ponedeljek. Prevsem se mi pa ne da več gledati, kako je ljudem postalo nadpomembno, kdo je tam, s kom je, koga vse poznajo, koliko je bivših, tekmovanje v tem, kdo je bolj pomemben in nastopaški. Večno ista scena, ista glasba. Morda se menjajo akterji, nikoli pa akcija.
Saj je super, da imajo geji svoj prostor, kjer lahko nemoteno žurajo, in so varni, sproščeni, da lahko pecajo brez strahu, da bi jih pričakala zgroženost, nerazumevanje ali celo agresija.
Z druge strani pa tako dejansko nastane relativno ozek in zaprt ekosistem, s svojimi pravili in navadami, s svojo prehrambeno verigo in zapletenimi odnosi.
Kam sem hotla s tem? Ne vem več. Pozno je, zmanjkalo asociacij na to temo. :p

Osamitev. Mislim, da je minil njen čas.

O jebemti. Ok, to, da se na meni vsako noč nahrani vsaj en komar, sem navajena. amapak 6.. to je pa odločno preveč. Pavza za lov!

No, kakšnega sem verjetno ubila, ampak mislim, da se jih je večina odločil skriti kam drugam kot na bel strop in stene. Spet se bom lahko praskala!
No sej... premaknem roko, pa mi vzleti izpod prstov na tipkovnici! Kaj naj še rečem... bom pač del prehranjevalne verige. Samo ne mi piskat okoli ušes ravno preden zaspim!

Hehe in ravno ko sem to napisala, z balkona priteče Basti z 2 cm veliko zeleno kobilico v ustih in se zapodi proti kuhinji. In bosta mela z jackom vsaj pol ure zabave. Kruta narava.

Torej, nazaj k osamitvi in podobnim rečem.
Glede na to, da sem se od mnogih mojih nekdanjih kolegov očitno odtujila ali pa smo se razvili v različne smeri, zbiram predloge na temo spoznavanja novih ljudi na zabaven način, ki ne zahteva veliko denarja, preredno odmerjenega časa ali visenja v internetnih klepetalnicah.
Načeloma sem za marsikakšno neumnost, tako da... povejte! :)

Update

It's been a long while since my last update.

The cat is off the meds and seems to be doing ok so far. We'll see what happens in the long run. My wallet is feeling very bad, full of holes and cobwebs, on the other hand.

My Viking bought a nice flat for us, a huge 3-roomer with a bay window, a guest/work room, bedroom with a balcony and a big walk-in closet, huge bathroom, a bit smaller kitchen, and access to the common swimming pool, sauna, and the possibility of renting 2 flats for our guests, should the guest room not suffice. So far everyone who heard this, volunteered to try out the guest room sofa. :)

And now it's time to pick out furnishing. Guess which company will profit the most. :)

Hint: the flat is in Stockholm.

And PLEASE, don't feel shy of posting comments.

Better

My cat is finally doing better, and I have time and energy for other things than work and the vet.

In a week from today, my Viking is coming for holiday. I am so looking forward to that. Not just him, but a proper holiday together. I do think it's a first. First at the seaside, at the very least. And my first seaside holiday in years. 

it's going to be sooo nice to have a few day just to relax on the beach, or stroll through Pula, not being pressed by the clock, not having to get up at a certain time in the morning. God I need to air my brain through  bit. Put it in neutral for a few days, add some new experiences to change the way the gears are turning. give and get some first-hand love again. Mmmm. Letting go. 

I can remember going "to town" in Pula when I was a kid with my family. Strolling through the ancient arc, down the streets filled with vendors and tourists, looking up to the magnificent arches of Arena (a roman amphitheatre), smelling the rich musky salty smell of the marina, looking at the masts swaying with the waves. Eating ice cream, of course. bought at the same place my mum used to get it from some 32 years before. Still the best ice cream in town. The lively, cool outside market under the old chestnut trees. 

Going back to my aunts apartment in a 100 years old apartment building, only a hundred or two hundred meters from the market. The marble stairs, worn smooth by tenants feet over time. High ceilings. The coolness of the stircase even in the hottest of summers. Double-winged doors to the apartment, that has windows of glass with circles behind an intricate iron grate, so you could almost make out who was standing behind the door, and also air the apartment from the cool staircase. The weird bathroom window opening to an internal shaft, where you could peek into neighbours bathrooms, if you strained to lean through the window. Knowing more about architecture now, I see the sense in it, but to a 6-year-old, it was just odd. The balcony, where the adults spent many a late night playing canasta, and me hanging around like... well, like a nosy 6-year-old. Bringing them drinks, circling from one to the other for attention and to peek at the cards, getting excited with them as the game got more interesting.

Those are pleasant memories of an unburdened childhood, filled with love and attention. Whatever problems my parents had, be it work, money, us kids, it all melted away within 2 days at the seaside. I really liked them there. 

And spending my summers there with my aunt after my parents went home was an adventure. She took me to a lot of places most people wouldn't bring a kid to. I guess she was a bit of a child at heart and she could live it with me. I adored my aunt Estera. She took me to work with her. She was a gym professor at the university, if my childhood memory isn't betraying me. It was definitely gym, and I do think it was university. Might have been high-school. Anyway, there were always a lot of girl students that liked my aunt, or might have just been trying to suck up to the professor, to look after me for an hour or two during the rare times Estera had to come in to work during the summer break. I think some of my childhood plush toys were gifts from said students. 

Hey, what can I say, I always liked attention from people that were nice to me. I also liked adventure. My aunt could make the most ordinary task seem like one. Like ironing the kitchen cloths (not too advanced for a smart kid trying to please :)).

So I hope to have a bit of that lovely care-free feeling when my Viking and me visit Pula again.

Just a week to go!

Contemplating....

As said, my cat is seriously not doing well. 

Some of you might think; Hey, what's the big deal? It's just a cat. Well, she's not just a cat. She is MY cat. 

Why is she so important to me? Well, except for the obvious bit of her being a cat and thus able to cute-stare me into a puddle of love and admiration in a nanosecond. I think there are more factors involved. 

I always loved cats. Got my first one (that was sanctioned by my parents and I got to keep) for my 10th birthday. I spent the first night next to her bed, just looking at her. I named her Kitty (yes, I had just started to lean english and thought I was sooo original). The name quickly turned into Kati, pest, bag of fleas, depending on how she was behaving. She had a lot of character, and we were all her subordinates. Me being a kid, and as such, not very dependable as far as cleaning the toilet and feeding her on the hour was concerned, and dad being the chief for meat in the kitchen, she soon started to consider him her favorite subordinate.

On the afternoon after the last exam to finish high-school I learned that my mom had breast cancer. It was quite a shock to me, as you can imagine. She had surgery, chemo, and it all seemed ok for a while. In the fall I went to university, where I did not do as well as everyone expected, due to a severe lack of self-control to sit and work without any pressure, and to the reappearance of my mum's cancer. It was worse and worse, more and more operations, chemo and all the psychological stress on all the family that a disease like that brings with it. 

My family is the strong silent type, we do not talk about hurt, we just stand there like the Gibraltar rocks, as my sister-in-law said. We just accumulate. And then, someday, it's too much. My mum died. I was unable to work through it, and a few months lated, my dad met someone new. I wasn't happy, but who am I to keep him from being happy after years of suffering? So my childhood home change, got distorted, furniture changed, the way of doing things too. It just didn't feel like m home anymore. She is nice, don't get me wrong. But she wasn't my mum, and she was, and still is sometimes, trying too hard.

What nailed me was that my cat died of cancer a bit less than a year after my mom did. And in the exact same way too. in a recent conversation with my dad he reminded me, that the cat was actually operated on for cancer on her tit, but it returned a few months later. I honestly had no recollection of that. The year after my mum died is mostly just a big blank hole in my mind. The cat died because cancer had spread so far, that her lungs filled with water and she basically drowned. I was just putting her in a box to take her to the vet and have her euthanized, since she was in lots of pain the night before, and she died in my arms. We'd have done it earlier, but she had a tiny little kitten, only a few weeks old. It got successfully adopted by the neighbors cat and found a good home afterwards, where he is loved and spoiled beyond all measure, to my information.

After that, I broke down and hit a nice little depression. I did nothing but lay in my bed, flipping channels without seeing he show, eating bread by just tearing it off the loaf, ice-cream and drinking milk out of the package.  I barely dragged myself to the store once I run out of everything that didn't need any preparations. After a month or two of that (my sense of time got totally lost) I finally had enough of myself and went to see a shrink. Took me a long time and many group therapies, but I got much better. 

After a while, I found a job, was getting forward with my studies, and felt I was well enough, and stable enough to take care of another living creature. I decided to adopt a cat at a local shelter. 

I spent half an hour looking at the outside part of the cat pens, and couldn't really decide for one. And then a dark grey, matted and neglected cat with an extra layer of fur came out to sit in the sun. she seemed to me the most beautiful cat I have ever seen. When I went into the pen to get her, she, out of some 20 cats, came running to me, climbed on my knee and started rubbing her face against mine. I guess she really wanted to come home with me. And that was it. I signed the paperwork, they programmed her chip with my name and number, and home we went. After a few days, we got rid of all the excess hair, the strong stink, that only cheap shelter food can give, and the bond was firm. I love her. She is my cat, and my responsibility.

Currently we live in a nice big apartment with a few roommates; 3 humans, another cat named Jack, with a colorful history of his own, and a dog. No fleas, mind you. Maybe some spiders, hiding in corners, though.

We are supposed to move to Sweden by the end of next year. I really really hope we both do. Doesn't seem good. But I hope. Because that's what she is to me. A cat, a pet, a responsibility, a beautiful, not too bright lovable gorgeous grey being with wonderful bright yellow eyes that melt my heart (or anyone else's, for that matter). 

She was the promise of a brighter future, once upon a time. I wish I could give her more future to look forward to.

Missing in action - Basti

My cat is seriously ill, she has a bad case of anemia. Why is this relevant? Because she means a lot to me. So I give her her medicine in the morning, in the evening, in the middle of the night, take her to the vet everday, work full hours, and am efectually way too tired to even think, let alone post anything.
I will return once the situation has calmed down. I hope my little vampire gets better.

PS: evening

She's not good at all. Got a fever, and there was either something wrong with the machine that does blood-tests, or Basti is living with no red blood cells whatsoever. She was running high fever when at the vet, and was very very sleepy and calm, not at all how she usually behaves there. 

I have to admit, I keep hoping that it was just because it was a very hot day, and that the fact she's eating since we came home and has in this moment ventured out of my room and around the flat a bit is a good sign. 

But the vet seemed to basically think there's a real chance she might not make it through the weekend. Told me to leave her be as much as possible, give her her favorite food (only two days ago I was told to give Basti the Hills anti allergy food and hood good for her digestion, since she's on loads of different strong medicine), and the vet asked if the cat dies, will I want to burry her or will I bring her to them to dispose off.  Didn't really give me much hope, did she? 

*sigh

I cried my eyes out when I got back, took a shower, and went to buy her the 'good stuff', at least in Basti's oppinion. Suddenly, she got her appetite back. hehe. I guess only time will tell. I will hope to the very last.

PPS Sunday

Still here. Currently she's sleeping on the balcony, which is her favourite place. ---------hard to say, how she is doing. I hope the blood tests will work tomorrow, so at least I know where we stand. I don't want to torture her with all the pills and potions if they're not working at all. And if they are, then I'll sure keep administering them with vigor. 

Diving in....

I am on my way back from the Viking land, after spending 11 days with my darling. Most of them we spent learning how to scuba dive. We took a PADI Open Water Diver course.

Diving itself was a lot of fun, especially in the pool. I had problems equalizing pressure due to my everlasting full nose. It's not a cold as such, but in my family we have to blow our noses every morning and every evening at least, it seems. Basically, it takes me a bit longer to go down, because it takes some time to equalize. But hey, I dove down to some 6 – 7 metres anyway. OK, the licence says I can dive to 18 metres now, but I'm not rushing it :)

I'm what one'd affectiontely describe »a whole lot of woman«, and my bf passes as a mix between a proper Viking and a member of Hells Angels. As neither of us is a standard sporting type size, we had problems getting the gear, which we got loaned as a part of the course. While diving in the pool, there was one short sleeved/legged wet suit for the both of us. The water was cold, and my Viking being strong and brave had opted to let me wear the wet suit, while he felt very nice and combortable wearing only his swimming trunks and the BCD (buoyancy control device, the inflatable vest that also has the air tank strapped on).

So that was OK. But then, alas, came Friday, the dry suit day. My bf got a suit that fit him properly. Me? I got a suit taht was sort of ok, tight around my thighs and ass, and the boots were about the size 44, while mine is 40. But hey, I can work with that, right?

Rrriiiight. Dry suit is supposed to be DRY inside, as you need to weare layered clothing under it to keep you warm, and it should be loose so you can fill air into it for insulation and buoyancy. M-hmmm. I already mentioned it was tight, so I didn't get to wear much under it. So it felt cold. And surprisingly for a dry suit, wet. I had sprung a leak. A proper one at that. I had water up to my knees by the end of the lesson. I laughed, and asked for a different suit for the Open water dives during the weekend.

I got it, too. Just as tight, and with what seemed an even bigger shoe size. It also sported a leak, would you believe it? The water in the archipelago was at about 12-15°C. On surface. Gets colder as you go deeper. And I was there in a tight fitting suit with thin, wet thermal underwear. It took me 4 hours to thaw my thighs off. I felt like a frozen chicken leg being prepaired to be made into a meal.

As I saw no chance of getting a better suit, so I said I'd tough it out on Sunday, and just finish the damned course. I never thought the half an hour under water every day would get me that exhausted after a week. Well, lugging the heavy gear around (tanks make up for most weight), setting it all up, dismantling it afterwards and getting it back to the van never came to my mind before I started the course. It takes it out of you, if you're not physically fit for it. We usually got back home in the evening and basically fell asleep as soon as we got within 5 feet of the bed.

Oh, I didn't finish teh course on Sunday. It was even colder, and bf's weights started slipping down on his back between both dives, which can be a problem in deep water with strong wind, proper waves and the resulting current. The divemaster helped us, but by the time the weights were secure, and we managed to swim back to the group against the current, we were overworked, cold and tired, and concluded it would be stupid and dangerous to try and dive again that day.

Not and easy decision, but I'm proud of us for making an adult decision, considering we are both stuborn and never know how to fail or quit in time. So yay us for making the decision, and nay for us not finishing the course. There would be another oportunity to go out with the next student group in two weeks. And I am leaving two DAYS later.

What to do, what to do. We opted to do the theory test with the rest of the group and hire an instructor on Monday morning, which was still rather a safe time for me, since it gave me 22 hour time period before I flew (flying before 18 hours anfter a simple dive has passed makes the risk of decompression sickness bigger).

We decided to do it in a wet suit too. Had another fun hour trying them on, to find some thick long sleeved and long legged suits to fit. All I can say is, wet suits rock. It was much warmer than my dry suit, and the wetness was expected, but still I got out of the water dryer than in a dry suit. I guess I'll laugh about it all soon. Well, I'm laughing about it now, since we passed the test. Wiiii. :)))

I made it!

I HAVE AN OPEN WATER DIVERS LICENCE AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT! BWAHAHAHAHAHA

Now, a few tips and observations to all who intend to take up diving:

1. 1. Take the course somewhere where they do it in your language or a language you know well. I took it in Swedish, which I don't speak, and had the practical things told once more extra in English, while the rest of the group was gearing up. Needless to say, I was the last one prepaired. Oh, I got the theory book and test in english, but couldn't talk about it in class or undestand what the others were saying.

2. PADI is kinda like Amway. First you just want to take a course with them. In the final chapter of theory you have to learn about the other more advanced courses you can take, all the way up to the most you can be in their system. They suck you in ;)

3. Wet suits are HARD to get in without the help of a bottle of water and dishwashing liquid.

4. Diving can be fun, unless you only see sand floating in the water, the courtesy of other divers ahead of you, and the visibility is less than 3 m.

5. I'll be quite content to be a cocktail diver for a while.

And now, back to the regular life :)

Grown-ups?

When can we say we are grown-ups?

Is it when we turn a certain age? Or when we move away from our parents? When we have a steady relationship?


I don't have an answer to that. I went away to university at 18, am slowly closing on 30, still have a few exams left, several years of work experience under my belt, as well as a few kilograms too many, have battled depression fairly successfully, and had no life partner untill a bit over a year ago.

Call it what you like it...

For me, I have never felt grown up, feel as if I was 24 for some time now, even though I am working 9-5, take work home, provide for myself, do my own taxes etc. (Still feel like I have on idea what they want from me, though.)

The point I was slooowly getting to was: lately, I've been getting flashes of "Omg, this is just like being an adult!" and feel like a little kid playing dressing up as an adult, trying to fake it without a clue as to how it's really done.

Most often it happens while talking to my Viking, working things out. Distance relationship requires a lot of communication, and I tend to clamp up.

Usually, he is a typicall male, oblivious to anything that isn't marked with flashing neon pointers. But sometimes he suprises me greatly with the perfect words of love and reassurance, showing me my fears in broad daylight, where they shrivel up and run away to sulk in the darkest corner, ashamed.

He is so kind, loving and gentle, the sun rises warm and bright in my soul and heart when I look into his beautifull speckled eyes.


I think I might just grow up a bit for us.
Just a bit. The inner kid needs TLC too ;-)

J. ä. d.


P.S. This is the first time I'll try and post from my mobile. Handy at 4am :-D

---- 
Sent using a Sony Ericsson mobile phone

Why oh why does it work even with small monoliths?

Tonight...

I turned the computer on, instead of going to sleep. I wanted to vent and rant over a friend, who might not be a friend anymore.

But then I found my oldest and best friend online, and we ranted a bit together, and vented, and then moved on. As it should be. Vented and not dwelled on and reread afterwards. I love this friend so much. You rock, chica!


And in the mailbox I found a little tiny link with a great impact. I liked their daily blessing, and have subscribed to it's mailing list.
I figured; "Better to read something positive and happy, maybe even a bit cheesy first thing in the morning at work, then to get all those forwards threatening bad luck if I don't forward them! "
Which, by the way, I don't. I prefer not to pass on bad energy.

Anyway, positive thinking is a great habit, which I do not possess fully yet. It's good to be reminded sometimes. :)

This turned out to be a good night after all.
I love you all.

ME

I am.

I am changing.

Myself.

My life.

My decisions.

Good luck, me.